Mmm, let’s talk about love!

I have thought about writing this post for a while, especially during Valentine’s month 🙂

Because boy, was the pressure on during Feb! My girls, God Bless them, are so ready for me to start dating. And remarry! #Jesustakethewheel

And they have given it some very serious thought. They had a serious list of reasons why they thought this would be a good idea. One of my favourites being, ‘so that you can have some help’. Like I live alone!

I appreciate their concern for me, and that they are looking at the right reasons – for the most part – for me to explore a relationship. I think they worry that I may be lonely or that I will always be single. What warms my heart is that they are okay. They understand that my relationship with their Dad has a different context now, and they are okay with that.

They feel safe and secure enough to be this open with me, and make their ‘concerns’ known.

It also reminds me of how important love is. For all of us, especially single-Moms.

So, to the magic-making-single Mom’s out there, let’s keep reminding ourselves that we deserve that love too.

Now – all that’s left is for me to pluck up some courage!

Love,

Ray

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Yes. No. Ok. Maybe…

A quick thought this Thursday morning!

I try my best to be a Mom that shows up. And for the most part – I do. In my human way. I think I am brave and can face pretty much anything.

The one thing that really does test my resolve?! A puking kid!

Jesus take the wheel! I just can’t.

Poor Beks puked spectacularly last Friday night (while she was sleeping), around 12.30pm. And as I heard her big sis, Bella, call out to her – the words in the pic popped into my head. Sheer avoidance tactic of having to face the inevitable. You will be pleased to know I did not leave it to Bella to sort out, as tempting as it was.

I showed up. I took care of my baby girl, did 3 loads of washing until 3am Saturday morning. Gave her a spot in my bed. etc. etc. I must admit though, I caught myself huffing – ‘I hope you plan on puking at your Dad’s next weekend. Same time. Same way’. I know. Not ideal. She did not hear me. Promise!

And then we rolled with what the weekend brought us.

That’s all we can do, Moms. Roll with it. And do what we must. 🙂 Better yet, dala what we must 🙂

One day at a time!

Love,

Ray

Keep making magic!

 

 

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How to kick the school runs arse!…

Tribe,

I was tickled pink when I saw this image! It is such a truth for me! Particularly this week.

So I will confess..

I do the school drop-off in my gown. Most mornings! That’s right. And I could excuse it by explaining that every morning by 6.20am I have already dropped off the teenager. Then when I get back home, it’s time to get the three younger girls ready for school. To their credit, they pack their own lunches. And, you know how it goes that time of the morning.

By the time we are ready to leave the house at around 7.35am – I have just about neatened (noted not brushed) my hair. Enter – my lovingly worn grey gown. A gift from my brother, Andy and his partner, Cara 🙂 #forevergrateful

Said gown does what it needs to, no questions asked, no chatting back, and it does it so well. How could I not show it some love! And you would think there may be some embarrassment or shame on my part! You would be mistaken! I wish you could have seen the surprise and wonder on the face of one of my friends, Letishia, when she realised I was in my gown! It was perfect! She came around though, noting that a gown should be a mandatory issue when embarking on the journey of motherhood!

There is a point here. And it is – I ‘dala what I must’ to make the magic happen everyday! 🙂

So Mom’s, keep doing what you must – in the way that makes it work for you and your family – as you continue to make magic happen!

With love,

Ray

 

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Keep Calm & Carry On!

Happy Friday tribe!

This post is a long time coming.

The past five weeks have been a bit of a blur. We were taken hostage by the mumps. Each of my girls had it, in turn, since the week before Christmas! Isabella had her first day back at school, yesterday! The 25 January 2018!

The mumps has also delayed us from meeting the newest member of our clan, baby Jude Alexander! The first boy in 15 years! We have had to video call our monkey, and will need to wait another 3 weeks before we get to snuggle him! I mean really! My first nephew!

Lawd!

Shame man! The girls were hard hit. Their faces expanding to double it’s size (needed to be seen to be believed), fevers, loss of appetite and terrible pain – and the heat of Cape Town!

Even though the mumps disrupted our festive season some what, it also forced us into ease. That’s my silver lining.

So all we did was – we kept calm and carried on – and hired Blue Bloods – starting with season 1. Thank God for the Reagan family, and pizza!

The lesson for me was, ‘it is what it is’ and we had to roll with it. And so we did.

So here’s to a mumps free weekend!

Have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones!

God Bless,

Ray

 

 

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You are allowed to be a mess…

I came across this post earlier in the week. It was such a reality check. Thank God the reality checks keep on coming!

It feels messy at the moment.

I am not sure how effective my parenting skills are at the moment. Truth be told, I think the messy is clouding things. It feels like it has affected how I show-up with my girls. They have had a very brave conversation with me, in such a loving and clear way. It feels like it has affected my relationship with my eldest girl. Whom I think is very grateful to be spending this weekend in P.E. with her friend and their family!

And the juggle feels exhausting.

And still, I show-up. They are fed (miraculously), clean (another miracle) and have been writing exams and have been doing pretty well.

My point is, it’s okay to feel messy and still show-up and be the parent they need. Those things are not mutually exclusive. And sometimes, I tend to forget that.

I need to keep reminding myself that they need a #real #authentic mother, who show’s-up. Maybe not always in the right way. She just shows up. With her messy.

And that I keep giving myself the permission to be the #real #authentic mother and woman. Not just for them. For myself too.

I hope this encourages you to do the same…

With Love,

Ray

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Compliance… Is it wishful thinking?

Let me start with the definition of compliance. As defined by the Oxford dictionary – The action or fact of complying with a wish or command.

Now, some context.

Last night, at about 21.20, I caught myself blurting out – ‘If I don’t get some compliance right now, I am going to lose it!’

After I said it, I caught myself thinking – Wow, that is a pretty big word this time of the evening! My next thought was, wishful thinking… Compliance – at this hour!. And then, how is it that I am still talking to little people this time of the night!

It was one of those evenings when everything just ran late. And then when I was ready for everything to settle, they were not on the same page. Does that make them non-compliant? Not necessarily. That moment was not going to be what I needed or wanted it to be. So, I should have just taken a breath and just rolled with it. Instead of causing myself and the girls some irritation.

Some moments are just going to be what it must/should/will be. Not what we hope/need/want or wish. And that’s okay.

This evening – we will roll the way we need to. Hopefully, without me asking for compliance… [grinning]…

With Love

Ray

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Truth Tuesday…

I know it has been a while.

I very nearly did not post this note today, feeling terrible about being so quiet. I mean, who goes quiet after just launching their blog.

Mmmm, I did!

It has been a time of deep reflection and facing some hard truths, and needing to make decisions that aren’t easy.

And honestly, I did not know how to navigate that process and share it with you too. And then I remembered, mmm, Ray, that’s why you started the blog. To encourage and to be encouraged.

I hope you understand. And know that I am going to try to get better at sharing, especially the hard stuff. Which is not always easy for me. Just ask my family.

Thank you for allowing me to share this truth today…

I want to keep connecting with you all, I hope you are happy to as well.

With love,

Ray

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It’s Monday, but it’s ok…

Monday!

I had such hope!
Okay. It’s not been totally awful.

Couldn’t find the house keys. Rehearsing a grade 1 mondeling. And this before 7am!

Deep sigh….

The keys were eventully found… In the dvd cupboard. Don’t ask.

So, we could get to school on time. Only to realize that the grade 1 mondeling flash card was left at home. Drop two girls at school and rush back home with youngest girl to get the flash cards.

Thankfully, we made it back to school before the second bell… All while wearing my grey gown and hair in a messy bun. Because hey, it was that kind of morning!

Deep sigh…

And then off to work…
It’s the boss’s birthday, so chocolate cake with strawberries and a cup of tea for breakfast!

It’s Monday, but it will be ok. And it will be ok!

With love,

Ray

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Feel the Feels…

‘Feel the feels’ is usually associated with excitement and happiness, butterflies and all those good vibrations.

As I write this post, which is two days overdue, the feels I’m feeling are those others.

Exhaustion, frustration, annoyance and loneliness. A little, maybe a lot, sorry for myself. It comes after a week of sick kids, work demands, catching up on homework, dishes, washing, nagging and.. and.. and.

Initially, I hesitated to write and publish this post. Considering we’re still getting to know one another, you know – in the wooing phase.
And then I realised, this is life! If this is true for me then it could be true for so many others.

And so here I am. Saying, these are my feels right now.

It felt like this last night, it feels like this today and will probably tomorrow as well.

One of the valuable lessons from my journey is to feel ALL the feels. Because they’re all valid and necessary.

The trick though, is not to get stuck there. Which is easier said than done sometimes.

My practice that anchors me again, is flexing my faith muscle†
Talking to friends & family. Listening to music – Lianne La Havas will be on repeat! And trying to find some ease and rest. Practicing better self care.

To remember to take it one day at a time.

And to be gentle with myself.

God Bless,

Ray

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When LiFe happens…

Life happened this weekend. And it has spilled over to today.

All the girls are down. It ranges from a bad bout of tonsillitis, to migraines, to chest infections and growing pains.

And today, they are home. I am too. Trying to work from home as well as nurse these monkeys.

As much as I am deeply grateful that I get to do so, I am also so acutely aware that I would rather be back at the office… You know what I mean.

The kitchen looks like a bomb has gone off (I need to pluck up some more courage before I share that pic) AND apparently there is nothing to eat in the house.

As I write this post, the three younger girls are sitting next to me. On our two seater couch. I would like to add, there is another three seater couch as well as two single seater chairs in my lounge.

The starved teenager is somewhere rummaging for food!

And me, I am about to pop open a bottle of champagne.

That’s my Monday! How is yours going?

With love,

Ray

practicing being gentle with myself and the girls during the mayhem

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