Single-parenting. Positively

Hello tribe!

it’s June already! I hope you are pausing in some way, to take a few breaths.

I thought I would share an article I read in the April/May 2018 issue of the Cape Town’s Child Magazine, Positively single (read here).

The title may feel like an unthinkable ask – especially if you’re a newly single parent and trying to find your feet. It’s an honest yet gentle piece about the realness of the journey of single parents, particularly single-moms. The stigmas. The challenges.

The article touches on key aspects of the single-parent journey – your mental attitude, understanding how your attitude affects your children, the quality of your tribe, moving through your pain, not getting stuck in your story, self-care, persevering and hope.

If I think about my own journey thus far, these themes kinda continue. What I realised while reading the article is that it’s a daily intentional choice that I have to make! To keep my mind strong and positive. We rely on it. And you have to persevere – it’s the only choice really, because the alternative is harder to overcome.

Helena also provides a survival kit for single moms and dads. She starts with forgiveness. I strongly echo this invitation. One of my mantras whilst making my decision and then going through the divorce process, was a definition of forgiveness I had heard on the Oprah show (of course!) a few years prior and it stuck! ‘Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different’. I remember this almost daily still.

Forgiveness allows you to open yourself to all the possibilities of your future.

Remember – you are braver than you think.  Take it one day at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend, magic makers!

With love,

Ray

be gentle with yourselves…

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The magic of the Pause…

My last blog post of 2017 was about self-care and what a necessary practice it is. Read more here

My first blog post of 2018 is about the magic of pausing. The definition of the word pause is to – interrupt action or speech briefly. I feel that if we allow ourselves to pause it helps us practice better self-careTo stop the action and the speech and just take a breath. One of my tribeswoman has the word ‘selah’ tattoed on her wrist. It is the biblically used word which means to pause. She chose the word to remind herself daily to practice pausing. Love that!

I have been doing a lot of pausing. The past few weeks have brought some challenging moments. I alluded to it in my previous post. What stopped me in my tracks was being booked off with burnout. It was a hard time. I was forced to stop. I was forced to rest. I was forced to look at how I got to that place and reevaluate. I had to pause. And in doing that, to choose myself. I had to get still and consider the next right move for me.

I wanted to start the year with this reminder – to remind us that it quickly becomes a slippery slope when we don’t pause and when we don’t practice self-care.

So while I don’t have any firm resolutions for 2018,  I am very clear on self-care and pausing. I am clear on being intentional and practicing consistency. And trusting that. And always trusting Him†

I hope that 2018 is all you hope for, need and deserve. May it hold love, hope, joy and every blessing for you and your family.

With love,

Ray

 

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Self-care is such a necessary practice…

The past two weeks have been hard. Flexing of the faith and resilience muscles were of paramount importance. And being gentle with myself through that was a very necessary practice too. Hence the quiet…

What led to the messiness of the last two weeks, in a nutshell, was poor self-care. I suck at self-care. And this was a jolting reminder that self-care is as important as the care I give to my girls. If not more so… Because if I am not okay, are they going to be okay?

But what does self-care look like and feel like? For me? For you?

I had to and continue to do some deep reflection around this. Because it is also very strongly wrapped up with self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-respect, boundaries, vulnerability, courage etc etc etc

During the week of being booked off – one of my tribes women sent me a lovely reminder about self-care, written by Brianna Wiest, read here

It is a gentle and easy read. What I really needed to think about was ‘… And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do. It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.’

And the courage it takes to do so…

Let’s practice falling in love with ourselves. More. Deeply. So that we can practice taking better care of ourselves. More. Deeply.

With love,

Ray

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