Feel us at your back…

 

Five years ago, as I waited for my case to be called at the Wynberg Divorce Court, I received a message from a work colleague. Part of that message read – ‘Feel us at your back.’

As I sat on that hard, uncomfortable bench – waiting to publicly say why I was filing for a divorce and to hear whether or not the judge accepted my reason, those words struck such a cord.

‘Feel us at your back…’

What that meant to me, in that moment, was that I was being held.

I straightened up a little. Thinking to myself – you’ll get through this moment. Without shame. Without judgement.

I just received the strength and energy of those words.

I also realised how vital it is to have a tribe that supports you in this way, when your life changes so drastically.

Creating this space, this blog, is my way of being at yours.

I hope the feeling deepens as we get to know each other.

We need to hold each other up… Don’t you think?

With love and understanding

Ray

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Love + Understanding

‘Love and understanding. I like those words and the power they carry.’

My closing thoughts to my first blog post, published last week, read here

As I reflect on the last five years in particular, whether in a moment of gratitude – exhaustion or preparing a blog post, I am reminded of how empowering this principle has been to me.

Love and understanding has carried me this far. Giving me the courage and permission to do this journey, warts and all!

I’ve received it from family, friends and work colleagues. From unexpected sources. I receive it still. Daily. It has not been easy accepting it. I’ve had to learn to do so, graciously. Am I grateful that I have!

Giving it to myself – is my continued practice.

His love and understanding anchors me†

My hope is that you find your trusted sources of love and understanding.

You need it. You will continue to need it. You deserve it.

Remember to gift it to yourself too.

Actually, let’s also practice giving it to each other. More. Freely.

With love and understanding,

Ray

Be gentle with yourself

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A little more about Us

As you may have read in our ‘about us’ message, I have four daughters. Yes, four! As you and I get to know each other, I’ll share about how I got to that number…

I’ve been married.

For the past nearly five years, I’ve been learning to be a single parent. I’m still learning.

There are days when I feel like I’ve got it, and there are days where I would like to run off to an island – cue the Brazilian helicopter pilot from Inside Out.

My decision to be a single parent was not an easy one. Deciding to go it alone, start over with four girls – 10 years old and younger at the time – was one of the most terrifyingly hopeful seasons of my adult life.

I’m okay with my decision. We’re okay.

Again, as we get to know each other I’ll share those stories. I say this because I know some may think that being a single parent is not a choice that anyone would be happy about. It comes at such a price. I understand that. For my little family, it was the right thing to do.

The journey has not been and is not always easy. It’s been painful, stressful, sad and exhausting. It is also hopeful, fun, strengthening, love and grace filled and more.

All we can do is one day at a time.

All we can try is to be gentle with ourselves and each other.

It’s not always easy.

I think that’s why I started our blog. In the hope that our story would encourage others. For us to be encouraged by others. So that we could support one another with love and understanding. Because I know that’s what I need. Daily.

Love and understanding… I like those words and the power they carry.

God Bless,

Ray

Be gentle with yourself

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