because you are strong enough…

These are some of my favourite words.

To be honest, I wrestle with them. Often!

Sometimes it feels like too much of an ask. It feels unfair.

The juggle. The challenges. The demands.

There is also an invitation in these words. It feels challenging. Asking us not to settle. To keep pushing through. And I get it. Sometimes that feels like too much of an ask as well.

The thing is, whether we are aware of it in the moment or not, we do keep pushing through. And we keep showing up. Inspite of the juggle, the challenges and the demands. On auto-pilot a lot of the time 🙂

So when next I take a moment and read these words, I am going to be gentle with myself. And give myself a high five! I hope you do the same, magic makers!

Love

Ray

because you are strong enough…

 

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be the outstretched palm…

Tribe!

I just love these words from @iamhertribe.

Recently, I’ve been seeing posts by newly single-mom’s. The start of that journey is so hard. And painful. And feels lonely.

So I reached out.

I would like to invite you to do the same, please?

‘be the outstretched palm that allows someone to be seen. heard. and not so alone today.’

God Bless,

Ray

 

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Single-parenting. Positively

Hello tribe!

it’s June already! I hope you are pausing in some way, to take a few breaths.

I thought I would share an article I read in the April/May 2018 issue of the Cape Town’s Child Magazine, Positively single (read here).

The title may feel like an unthinkable ask – especially if you’re a newly single parent and trying to find your feet. It’s an honest yet gentle piece about the realness of the journey of single parents, particularly single-moms. The stigmas. The challenges.

The article touches on key aspects of the single-parent journey – your mental attitude, understanding how your attitude affects your children, the quality of your tribe, moving through your pain, not getting stuck in your story, self-care, persevering and hope.

If I think about my own journey thus far, these themes kinda continue. What I realised while reading the article is that it’s a daily intentional choice that I have to make! To keep my mind strong and positive. We rely on it. And you have to persevere – it’s the only choice really, because the alternative is harder to overcome.

Helena also provides a survival kit for single moms and dads. She starts with forgiveness. I strongly echo this invitation. One of my mantras whilst making my decision and then going through the divorce process, was a definition of forgiveness I had heard on the Oprah show (of course!) a few years prior and it stuck! ‘Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different’. I remember this almost daily still.

Forgiveness allows you to open yourself to all the possibilities of your future.

Remember – you are braver than you think.  Take it one day at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend, magic makers!

With love,

Ray

be gentle with yourselves…

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Mmm, let’s talk about love!

I have thought about writing this post for a while, especially during Valentine’s month 🙂

Because boy, was the pressure on during Feb! My girls, God Bless them, are so ready for me to start dating. And remarry! #Jesustakethewheel

And they have given it some very serious thought. They had a serious list of reasons why they thought this would be a good idea. One of my favourites being, ‘so that you can have some help’. Like I live alone!

I appreciate their concern for me, and that they are looking at the right reasons – for the most part – for me to explore a relationship. I think they worry that I may be lonely or that I will always be single. What warms my heart is that they are okay. They understand that my relationship with their Dad has a different context now, and they are okay with that.

They feel safe and secure enough to be this open with me, and make their ‘concerns’ known.

It also reminds me of how important love is. For all of us, especially single-Moms.

So, to the magic-making-single Mom’s out there, let’s keep reminding ourselves that we deserve that love too.

Now – all that’s left is for me to pluck up some courage!

Love,

Ray

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Yes. No. Ok. Maybe…

A quick thought this Thursday morning!

I try my best to be a Mom that shows up. And for the most part – I do. In my human way. I think I am brave and can face pretty much anything.

The one thing that really does test my resolve?! A puking kid!

Jesus take the wheel! I just can’t.

Poor Beks puked spectacularly last Friday night (while she was sleeping), around 12.30pm. And as I heard her big sis, Bella, call out to her – the words in the pic popped into my head. Sheer avoidance tactic of having to face the inevitable. You will be pleased to know I did not leave it to Bella to sort out, as tempting as it was.

I showed up. I took care of my baby girl, did 3 loads of washing until 3am Saturday morning. Gave her a spot in my bed. etc. etc. I must admit though, I caught myself huffing – ‘I hope you plan on puking at your Dad’s next weekend. Same time. Same way’. I know. Not ideal. She did not hear me. Promise!

And then we rolled with what the weekend brought us.

That’s all we can do, Moms. Roll with it. And do what we must. 🙂 Better yet, dala what we must 🙂

One day at a time!

Love,

Ray

Keep making magic!

 

 

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Compliance… Is it wishful thinking?

Let me start with the definition of compliance. As defined by the Oxford dictionary – The action or fact of complying with a wish or command.

Now, some context.

Last night, at about 21.20, I caught myself blurting out – ‘If I don’t get some compliance right now, I am going to lose it!’

After I said it, I caught myself thinking – Wow, that is a pretty big word this time of the evening! My next thought was, wishful thinking… Compliance – at this hour!. And then, how is it that I am still talking to little people this time of the night!

It was one of those evenings when everything just ran late. And then when I was ready for everything to settle, they were not on the same page. Does that make them non-compliant? Not necessarily. That moment was not going to be what I needed or wanted it to be. So, I should have just taken a breath and just rolled with it. Instead of causing myself and the girls some irritation.

Some moments are just going to be what it must/should/will be. Not what we hope/need/want or wish. And that’s okay.

This evening – we will roll the way we need to. Hopefully, without me asking for compliance… [grinning]…

With Love

Ray

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Oops! I did it again…

A little cheesy, I know. It is how I feel right now though…

Two weeks ago, I posted about going quiet. Read more here.

And I have done it again.

This moment feels very familiar. It mirrors the same hopeful time of 2012, which also brought me to a place of practicing faith, trust and patience.  Patience! Yah, not so easy.

I am here. Feeling hopeful and I will keep connecting.

Thank you for being patient with me.

With love,

Ray

 

 

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The Strength of my Woman Tribe…

To the women in my tribe…

We see each other daily. We see each other often. We see each other less frequently.

We message each other daily. We message each other often. We message each other less frequently.

We have been friends for many years. We have met more recently.

Do you know how deeply you are loved and appreciated?

I thank God for each of you, everyday.

That no gesture, message, phone call, coffee, lunch, school run chat, dinner, laugh, cry with you is taken for granted. Not for one moment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

May we continue to weave love around each other, and invite other women to do the same.

With my love and appreciation,

Ray 

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Flashback Friday… Look how far we’ve come!

‘Last night my girls and I spent our first night in our new home. Dinner, popcorn and Thor! All is right with the world. #Grateful #LifeWithLittleGirls’…

This memory popped up on my Facebook feed this morning. A memory from 2013! And it forced me to pause.

We have come a long, long way.

I needed this reminder. Today.

When I get focused on what lies ahead, the decisions that need to be made, daily. The juggling that needs to happen, daily. Where I think we are in our lives, the frustration that arises if it’s not where I had hoped we would be. And then the next rabbit hole is how to get us there. Quicker.

This reminder!

We are getting there. We will get there. Look at how far we have come.

One of my tribes-woman :), is a yogi and shared a wonderful encouragement her instructor uses during their classes – ‘Slowly, slowly and everything is coming’

So, today I hope that wherever you find yourself, whatever you may be thinking about your journey thus far, be gentle with yourself. Pause for a moment. Look back – to remember how far you’ve come.

And feel the gratitude that arises.

God Bless,

Ray 

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It’s Monday, but it’s ok…

Monday!

I had such hope!
Okay. It’s not been totally awful.

Couldn’t find the house keys. Rehearsing a grade 1 mondeling. And this before 7am!

Deep sigh….

The keys were eventully found… In the dvd cupboard. Don’t ask.

So, we could get to school on time. Only to realize that the grade 1 mondeling flash card was left at home. Drop two girls at school and rush back home with youngest girl to get the flash cards.

Thankfully, we made it back to school before the second bell… All while wearing my grey gown and hair in a messy bun. Because hey, it was that kind of morning!

Deep sigh…

And then off to work…
It’s the boss’s birthday, so chocolate cake with strawberries and a cup of tea for breakfast!

It’s Monday, but it will be ok. And it will be ok!

With love,

Ray

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