This is my first blog post for 2019. Honestly, there is some shame trying to creep in… And I have just kicked it to the curb. Because I know, that you know what the busyness of life can be like. So, thank you.
This morning, Facebook popped this reminder on my feed. A pic of the girls and I in 2014. At the Aquarium.
Look how little they are! 🙂
Immediately, my thought was that we had been on our own for 2 years already. We had already overcome so much. And had no idea what was going to be coming our way. And, we are together, smiling and hopeful.
We are still that. We have had wonderful blessings in 5 years, in spite of some painful challenges. As a little unit, we keep growing, moving forward and showing up. One day at a time.
To be honest, again – this was a reminder that I needed. We have come a long way. If I think about how I was feeling in 2014, there was so much guilt around making the decision to get divorced and the impact it was going to have on their lives. Looking at this picture, I also remembered a truth gem. When I was in the throws of the divorce, a wise woman told me that as long as there was one constant parent – the kids would be okay.
That is so true! Our family looks and moves the way it does, that’s right for us. And we are okay.
If this post does nothing else, let it encourage you to know that it will be okay.
Take it one day at a time. And be gentle with yourself as you do.
Sometimes it feels like too much of an ask. It feels unfair.
The juggle. The challenges. The demands.
There is also an invitation in these words. It feels challenging. Asking us not to settle. To keep pushing through. And I get it. Sometimes that feels like too much of an ask as well.
The thing is, whether we are aware of it in the moment or not, we do keep pushing through. And we keep showing up. Inspite of the juggle, the challenges and the demands. On auto-pilot a lot of the time 🙂
So when next I take a moment and read these words, I am going to be gentle with myself. And give myself a high five! I hope you do the same, magic makers!
I have thought about writing this post for a while, especially during Valentine’s month 🙂
Because boy, was the pressure on during Feb! My girls, God Bless them, are so ready for me to start dating. And remarry! #Jesustakethewheel
And they have given it some very serious thought. They had a serious list of reasons why they thought this would be a good idea. One of my favourites being, ‘so that you can have some help’. Like I live alone!
I appreciate their concern for me, and that they are looking at the right reasons – for the most part – for me to explore a relationship. I think they worry that I may be lonely or that I will always be single. What warms my heart is that they are okay. They understand that my relationship with their Dad has a different context now, and they are okay with that.
They feel safe and secure enough to be this open with me, and make their ‘concerns’ known.
It also reminds me of how important love is. For all of us, especially single-Moms.
So, to the magic-making-single Mom’s out there, let’s keep reminding ourselves that we deserve that love too.
Now – all that’s left is for me to pluck up some courage!
I try my best to be a Mom that shows up. And for the most part – I do. In my human way. I think I am brave and can face pretty much anything.
The one thing that really does test my resolve?! A puking kid!
Jesus take the wheel! I just can’t.
Poor Beks puked spectacularly last Friday night (while she was sleeping), around 12.30pm. And as I heard her big sis, Bella, call out to her – the words in the pic popped into my head. Sheer avoidance tactic of having to face the inevitable. You will be pleased to know I did not leave it to Bella to sort out, as tempting as it was.
I showed up. I took care of my baby girl, did 3 loads of washing until 3am Saturday morning. Gave her a spot in my bed. etc. etc. I must admit though, I caught myself huffing – ‘I hope you plan on puking at your Dad’s next weekend. Same time. Same way’. I know. Not ideal. She did not hear me. Promise!
And then we rolled with what the weekend brought us.
That’s all we can do, Moms. Roll with it. And do what we must. 🙂 Better yet, dala what we must 🙂
I was tickled pink when I saw this image! It is such a truth for me! Particularly this week.
So I will confess..
I do the school drop-off in my gown. Most mornings! That’s right. And I could excuse it by explaining that every morning by 6.20am I have already dropped off the teenager. Then when I get back home, it’s time to get the three younger girls ready for school. To their credit, they pack their own lunches. And, you know how it goes that time of the morning.
By the time we are ready to leave the house at around 7.35am – I have just about neatened (noted not brushed) my hair. Enter – my lovingly worn grey gown. A gift from my brother, Andy and his partner, Cara 🙂 #forevergrateful
Said gown does what it needs to, no questions asked, no chatting back, and it does it so well. How could I not show it some love! And you would think there may be some embarrassment or shame on my part! You would be mistaken! I wish you could have seen the surprise and wonder on the face of one of my friends, Letishia, when she realised I was in my gown! It was perfect! She came around though, noting that a gown should be a mandatory issue when embarking on the journey of motherhood!
There is a point here. And it is – I ‘dala what I must’ to make the magic happen everyday! 🙂
So Mom’s, keep doing what you must – in the way that makes it work for you and your family – as you continue to make magic happen!
The past five weeks have been a bit of a blur. We were taken hostage by themumps. Each of my girls had it, in turn, since the week before Christmas! Isabella had her first day back at school, yesterday! The 25 January 2018!
The mumps has also delayed us from meeting the newest member of our clan, baby Jude Alexander! The first boy in 15 years! We have had to video call our monkey, and will need to wait another 3 weeks before we get to snuggle him! I mean really! My first nephew!
Shame man! The girls were hard hit. Their faces expanding to double it’s size (needed to be seen to be believed), fevers, loss of appetite and terrible pain – and the heat of Cape Town!
Even though the mumps disrupted our festive season some what, it also forced us into ease. That’s my silver lining.
So all we did was – we kept calm and carried on – and hired Blue Bloods – starting with season 1. Thank God for the Reagan family, and pizza!
The lesson for me was, ‘it is what it is’ and we had to roll with it. And so we did.
My last blog post of 2017 was about self-care and what a necessary practice it is. Read more here
My first blog post of 2018 is about the magic of pausing. The definition of the word pause is to – interrupt action or speech briefly. I feel that if we allow ourselves to pause it helps us practice better self-care. To stop the action and the speech and just take a breath. One of my tribeswoman has the word ‘selah’ tattoed on her wrist. It is the biblically used word which means to pause. She chose the word to remind herself daily to practice pausing. Love that!
I have been doing a lot of pausing. The past few weeks have brought some challenging moments. I alluded to it in my previous post. What stopped me in my tracks was being booked off with burnout. It was a hard time. I was forced to stop. I was forced to rest. I was forced to look at how I got to that place and reevaluate. I had to pause. And in doing that, to choose myself. I had to get still and consider the next right move for me.
I wanted to start the year with this reminder – to remind us that it quickly becomes a slippery slope when we don’t pause and when we don’t practice self-care.
So while I don’t have any firm resolutions for 2018, I am very clear on self-care and pausing. I am clear on being intentional and practicing consistency. And trusting that. And always trusting Him†
I hope that 2018 is all you hope for, need and deserve. May it hold love, hope, joy and every blessing for you and your family.