Am I the only one feeling this way…

Yesterday, I finished my work day at 12, so that I could lovingly fetch my younger girls from school. Fairly on time 🙂

I was so excited at the prospect of spending the day with them. 

Well, by 12.45 – the moaning, bickering and requests started rolling in. I sat there at looked at this playing out. And dropped this gem!

It also reminded me that I really am not a stay-home mom. I take my hat off to those magic makers. I tried. Twice. And nope!

Back to the truth bomb that feels so real for me. And they seem to forget that there is a part of my life that is, well – about me. Not just about them and their needs! 

They heard me. And it stopped. 🙂

We went on to have a lovely day and evening together, and with family.

Have a wonderful Tuesday, magic makers!

Serving yourself too 🙂

Love

Ray

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because you are strong enough…

These are some of my favourite words.

To be honest, I wrestle with them. Often!

Sometimes it feels like too much of an ask. It feels unfair.

The juggle. The challenges. The demands.

There is also an invitation in these words. It feels challenging. Asking us not to settle. To keep pushing through. And I get it. Sometimes that feels like too much of an ask as well.

The thing is, whether we are aware of it in the moment or not, we do keep pushing through. And we keep showing up. Inspite of the juggle, the challenges and the demands. On auto-pilot a lot of the time 🙂

So when next I take a moment and read these words, I am going to be gentle with myself. And give myself a high five! I hope you do the same, magic makers!

Love

Ray

because you are strong enough…

 

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be the outstretched palm…

Tribe!

I just love these words from @iamhertribe.

Recently, I’ve been seeing posts by newly single-mom’s. The start of that journey is so hard. And painful. And feels lonely.

So I reached out.

I would like to invite you to do the same, please?

‘be the outstretched palm that allows someone to be seen. heard. and not so alone today.’

God Bless,

Ray

 

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Single-parenting. Positively

Hello tribe!

it’s June already! I hope you are pausing in some way, to take a few breaths.

I thought I would share an article I read in the April/May 2018 issue of the Cape Town’s Child Magazine, Positively single (read here).

The title may feel like an unthinkable ask – especially if you’re a newly single parent and trying to find your feet. It’s an honest yet gentle piece about the realness of the journey of single parents, particularly single-moms. The stigmas. The challenges.

The article touches on key aspects of the single-parent journey – your mental attitude, understanding how your attitude affects your children, the quality of your tribe, moving through your pain, not getting stuck in your story, self-care, persevering and hope.

If I think about my own journey thus far, these themes kinda continue. What I realised while reading the article is that it’s a daily intentional choice that I have to make! To keep my mind strong and positive. We rely on it. And you have to persevere – it’s the only choice really, because the alternative is harder to overcome.

Helena also provides a survival kit for single moms and dads. She starts with forgiveness. I strongly echo this invitation. One of my mantras whilst making my decision and then going through the divorce process, was a definition of forgiveness I had heard on the Oprah show (of course!) a few years prior and it stuck! ‘Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different’. I remember this almost daily still.

Forgiveness allows you to open yourself to all the possibilities of your future.

Remember – you are braver than you think.  Take it one day at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend, magic makers!

With love,

Ray

be gentle with yourselves…

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Mmm, let’s talk about love!

I have thought about writing this post for a while, especially during Valentine’s month 🙂

Because boy, was the pressure on during Feb! My girls, God Bless them, are so ready for me to start dating. And remarry! #Jesustakethewheel

And they have given it some very serious thought. They had a serious list of reasons why they thought this would be a good idea. One of my favourites being, ‘so that you can have some help’. Like I live alone!

I appreciate their concern for me, and that they are looking at the right reasons – for the most part – for me to explore a relationship. I think they worry that I may be lonely or that I will always be single. What warms my heart is that they are okay. They understand that my relationship with their Dad has a different context now, and they are okay with that.

They feel safe and secure enough to be this open with me, and make their ‘concerns’ known.

It also reminds me of how important love is. For all of us, especially single-Moms.

So, to the magic-making-single Mom’s out there, let’s keep reminding ourselves that we deserve that love too.

Now – all that’s left is for me to pluck up some courage!

Love,

Ray

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Keep Calm & Carry On!

Happy Friday tribe!

This post is a long time coming.

The past five weeks have been a bit of a blur. We were taken hostage by the mumps. Each of my girls had it, in turn, since the week before Christmas! Isabella had her first day back at school, yesterday! The 25 January 2018!

The mumps has also delayed us from meeting the newest member of our clan, baby Jude Alexander! The first boy in 15 years! We have had to video call our monkey, and will need to wait another 3 weeks before we get to snuggle him! I mean really! My first nephew!

Lawd!

Shame man! The girls were hard hit. Their faces expanding to double it’s size (needed to be seen to be believed), fevers, loss of appetite and terrible pain – and the heat of Cape Town!

Even though the mumps disrupted our festive season some what, it also forced us into ease. That’s my silver lining.

So all we did was – we kept calm and carried on – and hired Blue Bloods – starting with season 1. Thank God for the Reagan family, and pizza!

The lesson for me was, ‘it is what it is’ and we had to roll with it. And so we did.

So here’s to a mumps free weekend!

Have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones!

God Bless,

Ray

 

 

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You are allowed to be a mess…

I came across this post earlier in the week. It was such a reality check. Thank God the reality checks keep on coming!

It feels messy at the moment.

I am not sure how effective my parenting skills are at the moment. Truth be told, I think the messy is clouding things. It feels like it has affected how I show-up with my girls. They have had a very brave conversation with me, in such a loving and clear way. It feels like it has affected my relationship with my eldest girl. Whom I think is very grateful to be spending this weekend in P.E. with her friend and their family!

And the juggle feels exhausting.

And still, I show-up. They are fed (miraculously), clean (another miracle) and have been writing exams and have been doing pretty well.

My point is, it’s okay to feel messy and still show-up and be the parent they need. Those things are not mutually exclusive. And sometimes, I tend to forget that.

I need to keep reminding myself that they need a #real #authentic mother, who show’s-up. Maybe not always in the right way. She just shows up. With her messy.

And that I keep giving myself the permission to be the #real #authentic mother and woman. Not just for them. For myself too.

I hope this encourages you to do the same…

With Love,

Ray

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Compliance… Is it wishful thinking?

Let me start with the definition of compliance. As defined by the Oxford dictionary – The action or fact of complying with a wish or command.

Now, some context.

Last night, at about 21.20, I caught myself blurting out – ‘If I don’t get some compliance right now, I am going to lose it!’

After I said it, I caught myself thinking – Wow, that is a pretty big word this time of the evening! My next thought was, wishful thinking… Compliance – at this hour!. And then, how is it that I am still talking to little people this time of the night!

It was one of those evenings when everything just ran late. And then when I was ready for everything to settle, they were not on the same page. Does that make them non-compliant? Not necessarily. That moment was not going to be what I needed or wanted it to be. So, I should have just taken a breath and just rolled with it. Instead of causing myself and the girls some irritation.

Some moments are just going to be what it must/should/will be. Not what we hope/need/want or wish. And that’s okay.

This evening – we will roll the way we need to. Hopefully, without me asking for compliance… [grinning]…

With Love

Ray

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Oops! I did it again…

A little cheesy, I know. It is how I feel right now though…

Two weeks ago, I posted about going quiet. Read more here.

And I have done it again.

This moment feels very familiar. It mirrors the same hopeful time of 2012, which also brought me to a place of practicing faith, trust and patience.  Patience! Yah, not so easy.

I am here. Feeling hopeful and I will keep connecting.

Thank you for being patient with me.

With love,

Ray

 

 

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Truth Tuesday…

I know it has been a while.

I very nearly did not post this note today, feeling terrible about being so quiet. I mean, who goes quiet after just launching their blog.

Mmmm, I did!

It has been a time of deep reflection and facing some hard truths, and needing to make decisions that aren’t easy.

And honestly, I did not know how to navigate that process and share it with you too. And then I remembered, mmm, Ray, that’s why you started the blog. To encourage and to be encouraged.

I hope you understand. And know that I am going to try to get better at sharing, especially the hard stuff. Which is not always easy for me. Just ask my family.

Thank you for allowing me to share this truth today…

I want to keep connecting with you all, I hope you are happy to as well.

With love,

Ray

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